Well. Life has certainly thrown some curveballs at me lately, and to be honest, I feel like I've reacted just like I did when the volleyball would fly at me in high school gymn class; I'd either duck in fear, or it would just pound me in the face.
I've totally fallen off of the non-smoker wagon. Like, hard. I have a pack in my purse right now. I go off and on with smoking and have since I was 16 or so. Why? Because it's addictive, and somehow soothing, I suppose. So here I am at the mercy of Camels again.. and I don't like it, but somehow they're like old, cancerous friends, here to help me out. Once I started working in a bar that allows smoking, it was all over.
Last week, last Wednesday actually, was the epitome of bullshit in regards to my very best friend in the whole wide world. She'd invited me a couple of weeks beforehand to go with her to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The last time we ventured down there together (I think it was 2002...) we ended up on a balcony with The Fisherman getting crazy.. so crazy that we made it into the opening clips of that year's Cops Mardi Gras special. We saw Snoop Dog and his Girls Gone Wild Crew (no, we were not recruited or interested), got held up for an MTV video shoot of some slutty looking chick at Royal & Bourbon (turns out it was Christina Aguilera), like I cared, she and her big ass stage were in my way!
Anyway, a lot of things have happened in the last 9 years spanning these celebrations. My bff and I have seen each other through a lot of stuff. At points, I've been away for years from Memphis and she's had to leave and go through her own personal growth. Since I've been back in my hometown, we've been hanging out a little, slowly at first, because it's like neither one of us really trusted the other. It seems that at this point in time, she's actually become friends with our mutual local family doctor. I so don't like this. It's not ok, because BFF is still a patient of this DR, and that's really frowned upon I believe, if not unethical. It's extra weird because DR is in some kind of weird midlife crisis where she abhors her husband and has really began to believe that she is a psychic vampire. My BFF is intrigued by this. She thinks it's hilarious that DR is super into it, and likes to text/message/whatever with her about exchanging energy and whatnot.
And here begins my angry tangent over what my personal opinion about this is. I think it's bullshit. I understand the whole need to try something new deal, but this is just weird, man. Especially if you are a person who's gone through medical school, I don't see how you could possibly believe that something like this is a possibility. However, I'm not hatin'. I think most forms of any organized religion are a crock, and when it comes to folk religions, I think they're mostly superstition. I think that everyone has their own path, and that it takes all kinds. It's just really hard to see a woman who has given me pap smears, and been my doc since I was a teenager (off and on) that I have no clue how to deal with it. Let it be, I suppose, because personal and professional lives are completely different things.. UNLESS you are sharing your personal life with one of your patients.
Anyway, I was asked to go, and I decided that I would, but it was not without reluctance. I didn't really think it seemed like fun, considering the company, the fact that I had no money, etc. BFF said that her "boyf" would take care of things, and he did agree, and I told them I wasn't really wanting to take anyone's money or whatnot, or be a 5th wheel in a couples thing, but "boyf" said that if it made BFF happy, I should go, and he was glad to take me.
Then, the day before we were all supposed to leave, "boyf" calls me and tells me that he's really sorry, but his wife wants her child support a week earlier than usual, because something really important has come up, and he can't afford for me to go. Even though it was a relief in some ways, it was still a disappointment, but hey, the dude's kid far surpasses the importance of taking me on a trip to Louisiana. Also, I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around DR, so I told him it was fine.
Thursday comes along; they'd been down there a night and a day, and I get a phone call from "boyf". He left BFF in New Orleans b/c of all the stuff she was doing, the way she was acting, etc. I am not going to go into all the sordid alleged actions and details of what my BFF had been doing, but I will say that "boyf" told me that BFF had made him lie to me. I was uninvited because DR didn't want me to go. What the fuck, man? Really?
It was like a punch to the gut. I still don't really know how I'm going to get over it. I was going to never talk to my BFF again, considering I was thinking about all of her negative tendencies, but then I reconsidered. She's apologized and such, but how am I supposed to believe anything she says? I'm her friend and I know how she is... it's kind of like "The Puppet-master". She spins so many lies and gets caught up in so many deceitful actions that honestly, I don't know if I should be affiliated with her. Yes, everyone lies sometimes, but it's almost like she lies to make this big huge drama web that I want nothing to do with. It doesn't make me feel comfortable.
So, my relationship with her at this point is on very shaky ground.. and I don't like it. I'm keeping my distance, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with her. She's like my sister; you don't just abandon people you've known your entire life, do you? I would like to think not.
This is me talking about one of the first things that has me totally stressed out. There are many more things to come, but this was the beginning of the whammies I've recently been receiving.
Time to go.
