The people I find myself coming into contact with at my place of employment never fail to amaze me. It's interesting to see the kinds of humanity in the world with whom I would probably have no interaction with, other than the fact that I work at a very eclectic, interesting bar that attracts people of all kinds. I have come to recognize and appreciate some of their existences. Somewhat akin to the theme song from Cheers,maybe these people do just want to go "where everybody knows your name..."
Mr Bud Smoker & Drinker...
Preferred Beverage: Budweiser
Smoke of Choice: Pall Malls & weed
A grad student that I would guess is in his 40s, maybe older, who happens to be ridden with palsy, this man will stagger in, always dressed in a rather snazzy fashion, his reddish hair and glasses looking somewhat akin to Austin Powers. He will sit at the bar some nights until we close, his voice utterly distinguishable, his stupor increasing. Since he lives around the corner from the bar (where he comes from, as well as where he returns to, is a mystery to me),he has the luxury of not worrying about driving- although I would assume his health condition would prevent him from having a license.
We closed on Saturday night and he stayed until the end. When everyone cleared out, he remained. He then proceeded to pull out a fat brick of some mid-grade schwag, break it up on the bar, along with a small one hitter, packed that shiz up, and proceeded to toke some weed in the middle of the bar.
With my thoughts going from shock to entertainment to fear, I then watched Randy decide that our head kitchen guy, Derek, needed a big block of weed for his tip out. This is when it got downright funny. He stuck it in Derek's envelope when all was said and done.
This man is an interesting and bizarre regular.
The Tall Redhead Realtor...
Drink preference: Gin & Tonic
Smoke of choice: Roll your own tobacco
He has one of my favorite names in the world, because it's my dad's name, and when I told him that, it probably freaked him out to a degree. Always well dressed, shirt tucked in, khakis donned and pressed, his choice in gin can fluctuate (understandable, the good stuff is pricy). The way he rolls his own tobacco is really cute. He has a very distinct laugh, not often heard (he seems to be the quiet type). Recently bestowed him with a buckeye someone in KY gave me. I always give him one of my shift drinks, because he rocks and I enjoy seeing someone enjoy gin & tonic (gin & I had to take a break.. we haven't been on great terms for years now).
Recently I rode with him to Alex's, an after hours bar. He has a huge red truck. I found out he is a realtor or works with housing of some kind. Probably a college graduate, very nice, also loves Modest Mouse. One person I would miss if I quit seeing him.
Mr Green(hair)
Drink Preference: Hoppy ass Sierra Nevada
Smoke of Choice: I acutally don't know!
At 38 or so, you would think one might be done with their crazy hair phase, but this guy has had this green tint to his hair since I met him 3 months ago. He always drinks Sierra Nevada. The last time he came in for an extended amount of time, he was with some people from the Czech Republic. That was the day before St. Patty's; the next day he came in, ordered his usual, only had 2, and informed me that he'd spent the night in jail in the suburbs for falling asleep at a stoplight. That was the last day I saw him, St Paddy's.
The Future Yale Attendee
Drink Preference: Pabst Blue Ribbon
Smoke of Choice: American Spirits
What a talented, intelligent, complex, captivating human being. Short, Asian, maybe even shorten than me, he is excited to report that he will be attending Yale shortly to pursue a Master's. He is monotone when he sings on karaoke night, even if he's doing one of the most hyped up songs ever). Soft spoken and timid, he attracts people to him like moths go to fire.. only he is not harmful. He's polite, caring, and he has a very bright future. He got a full ride to his first year at his Ivy League school. I know he's a brilliant artist with a great eye for photography. He never seems to be in a bad mood. One of the nicest people ever. I will miss him tremendously when he moves on, but I am really proud to have had the privilege of knowing him.
Crazy Karaoke Asian
Drink Preference: Bud Light
Choice of Smoke: I can't recollect, but I know he does it
This man is one of the coolest people. Ever. He has huge gauges in his ears, emanates the whole skinny jean, tight t-shirt, punk hipster persona. Every Wednesday, this guy throws the fuck down on some Karaoke. When he gets drunk, he becomes a hyper kid with all the conveniences of being potty trained and in control of his own life. When he's not around to punk it out & dance like he means it on Wed night, he's still cool as hell. Just this evening, I caught a glimpse of him dancing with an empty chip basket on his head. I'm going to have to get to know him better...
(More frequenters coming soon. This is the tip of the iceberg...)
31 March 2011
15 March 2011
Life
Life is really tricky. In this old country music song that used to play on my dad's radio persistently, Alabama would sing: 'All I really gotta do is live and die', but I am seriously thinking they over-simplified it.
13 March 2011
The Most Blatant Display of Racism I’ve seen since…
My grandmother had her kitchen repainted over a decade ago. Something came on the news about MLK Day (she used to argue with the tv) and she yells something about how African Americans shouldn't have National holidays just for them (only in much less politically correct form).
I was embarrassed for the woman immediately, and I felt ashamed, because out of the two painters that were in her home working that day, one was black. Mom snapped at her, I gasped. I remember feeling so bad. And this man was so polite, he didn’t react with animosity or rage or anything.. and Grandmother realized at that point she was in mixed race company, but she didn’t apologize or try to explain herself, she just got all pouty and continued to say she just didn’t get it.
My granny was born in 1921 or 1922, and she remained ignorant of the fact that racial equality was supposed to be a big part of our society. She really didn’t seem to get it. The “N-bomb” was something she would say when talking of any black person, and I was raised to believe firmly in the fact that all people are people, and we have to look beyond things like skin color. However, it was something she was never capable of comprehending. She loved watching Oprah (she would call her “Opal”), but would always refer to her as “the N word”. Other television shows, like Sanford & Son, The Jeffersons, and 227, all about African American lives, were also among her favorites, but she never hesitated with the racial slur that has always made me feel so bad inside.
Anyway, it was Friday afternoon. I was late getting to the Revenue Office to get my temporary tags renewed, but I have to drive Maya to Kentucky for her spring break and I couldn’t go without expired tags. So the people in the office were nice enough to make an exception for me, because I was desperate and crying and such. They took pity on my plight, and let me in. I had to get my registration and license from the car, and when I went out, this little old lady pulls up into the handicap spot in this big white car with one of those miniature yappy little dogs, gets out, and slides in with me when I go back into the office, even though I inform her they’re closed.
This was an egregious error in judgment on my behalf, as I learned almost immediately. They asked her to leave (very politely), and said they couldn't make any more exceptions. She was argumentative, but she did go... just far enough to realize how pissed off she was about the whole thing.
Then she came back for Round Two. She banged on the door, asking for the manager. She started yelling at the Tax Collector and asked to speak to the manager above him. When he told her that he was the only manager, and that he ran the facility, she said, "I meant I want to talk to someone white!"
The manager turned around and laughed slightly, in disbelief. Aghast, I exclaimed, "Oh, no she did NOT just drop a race bomb!" then turned back to the woman with a serious face on and very professionally informed her that it was seriously nothing personal, and that he couldn't compel his employees to work over-time, as they are a gov't facility. I was sitting in this room, feeling pretty ashamed on behalf of this woman, and quite awkward, considering I was one unkempt looking white girl in an office with three very nicely put together, clean, nicely dressed black people (one was a male customer, sitting at the table across from me; one was a female, working behind the counter; and the only other person was the aforementioned manager).
Finally, the beastie of an old woman went away, and my shock turned to dismay, embarrassment, shame, and all sorts of sad things. I said something to the man across from me about how I couldn't understand why people even still have such an ignorance about races, and how really we are one race- the HUMAN race -and that regardless of any joking and stereotyping people do, everyone should be able to understand something that simple. I think I was more upset than anyone in the place. They were all super nice about it. The man I'd commented to told me that all you can do is pray for people, his temp tags were issued, and he left.
I mulled that over while the woman prepared my tags. She and her boss had done a great favor for me, and I felt that the old biddy's unladylike behavior was a horrid example of white people. I felt like crap. I left that day feeling a little disappointed in humanity. Now, I don't pray.. but I feel like I need to continue to emphasize that we are all one family to my daughter. All you can do is teach your children to grow up and be better than the generations before. When I see people laugh, cry, hug, interact... I don't think of what color they are or if they're going home to a certain type of existence. I appreciate cultural differences, but I understand that people are people, with feelings and emotions and no one person is superior to another because of race.
I would like to think that woman went home and thought about the shit curve ball she threw into that conversation, but I doubt it. All I really know is that I have thought about it a lot, and I refuse to ever let that kind of behavior emanate from me.
So yeah. What a fucked up day that turned out to be.
Don't be racist.
I was embarrassed for the woman immediately, and I felt ashamed, because out of the two painters that were in her home working that day, one was black. Mom snapped at her, I gasped. I remember feeling so bad. And this man was so polite, he didn’t react with animosity or rage or anything.. and Grandmother realized at that point she was in mixed race company, but she didn’t apologize or try to explain herself, she just got all pouty and continued to say she just didn’t get it.
My granny was born in 1921 or 1922, and she remained ignorant of the fact that racial equality was supposed to be a big part of our society. She really didn’t seem to get it. The “N-bomb” was something she would say when talking of any black person, and I was raised to believe firmly in the fact that all people are people, and we have to look beyond things like skin color. However, it was something she was never capable of comprehending. She loved watching Oprah (she would call her “Opal”), but would always refer to her as “the N word”. Other television shows, like Sanford & Son, The Jeffersons, and 227, all about African American lives, were also among her favorites, but she never hesitated with the racial slur that has always made me feel so bad inside.
Anyway, it was Friday afternoon. I was late getting to the Revenue Office to get my temporary tags renewed, but I have to drive Maya to Kentucky for her spring break and I couldn’t go without expired tags. So the people in the office were nice enough to make an exception for me, because I was desperate and crying and such. They took pity on my plight, and let me in. I had to get my registration and license from the car, and when I went out, this little old lady pulls up into the handicap spot in this big white car with one of those miniature yappy little dogs, gets out, and slides in with me when I go back into the office, even though I inform her they’re closed.
This was an egregious error in judgment on my behalf, as I learned almost immediately. They asked her to leave (very politely), and said they couldn't make any more exceptions. She was argumentative, but she did go... just far enough to realize how pissed off she was about the whole thing.
Then she came back for Round Two. She banged on the door, asking for the manager. She started yelling at the Tax Collector and asked to speak to the manager above him. When he told her that he was the only manager, and that he ran the facility, she said, "I meant I want to talk to someone white!"
The manager turned around and laughed slightly, in disbelief. Aghast, I exclaimed, "Oh, no she did NOT just drop a race bomb!" then turned back to the woman with a serious face on and very professionally informed her that it was seriously nothing personal, and that he couldn't compel his employees to work over-time, as they are a gov't facility. I was sitting in this room, feeling pretty ashamed on behalf of this woman, and quite awkward, considering I was one unkempt looking white girl in an office with three very nicely put together, clean, nicely dressed black people (one was a male customer, sitting at the table across from me; one was a female, working behind the counter; and the only other person was the aforementioned manager).
Finally, the beastie of an old woman went away, and my shock turned to dismay, embarrassment, shame, and all sorts of sad things. I said something to the man across from me about how I couldn't understand why people even still have such an ignorance about races, and how really we are one race- the HUMAN race -and that regardless of any joking and stereotyping people do, everyone should be able to understand something that simple. I think I was more upset than anyone in the place. They were all super nice about it. The man I'd commented to told me that all you can do is pray for people, his temp tags were issued, and he left.
I mulled that over while the woman prepared my tags. She and her boss had done a great favor for me, and I felt that the old biddy's unladylike behavior was a horrid example of white people. I felt like crap. I left that day feeling a little disappointed in humanity. Now, I don't pray.. but I feel like I need to continue to emphasize that we are all one family to my daughter. All you can do is teach your children to grow up and be better than the generations before. When I see people laugh, cry, hug, interact... I don't think of what color they are or if they're going home to a certain type of existence. I appreciate cultural differences, but I understand that people are people, with feelings and emotions and no one person is superior to another because of race.
I would like to think that woman went home and thought about the shit curve ball she threw into that conversation, but I doubt it. All I really know is that I have thought about it a lot, and I refuse to ever let that kind of behavior emanate from me.
So yeah. What a fucked up day that turned out to be.
Don't be racist.
12 March 2011
11 March 2011
Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ In Memory of Stephanie "Chad" Harrison Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ
From SunshineUnderground.net
Some comments from this thread:
05:24 PM, March 28th, 2007
For The Friends of Chad Harrison
Author: soundboy
Probably the candy raver of all time in the Memphis party scene Chad Harrison( thin, shaved head, cute cute, extremely kind and sweet girl) died this week in a car wreck with her sister Lily Harrison (who survived, but is still in the hospital). Her funeral is going to be at The Memphis Funeral Home at 3700 N. Germantown Rd on Saturday at 2pm. There will be a visitation on Friday between 5-8. They need Chads male friends to help with being pall bearers at the funeral.. If u knew Chad or know Lily share some love or kind words. Chad was in my opinion one of the nicest, kindest, most selfless and genuine people that has ever blessed the party scene in Memphis! U will be missed greatly Chad, but you left behind quite a legacy of spreading peace love unity and respect for everyone!
01:39 AM, March 30th, 2007
Re: For The Friends of Chad Harrison
Author: Better ways to Die
I met Chad before she got into the party scene- and even back then, she was all about making other people happy. She was always open to share whatever she had others, and never judged people. We connected again in the party scene, and she showed me a world like no other- I remember going to her house, and having the time of my life.
I remember getting the cutest candy ever from her!
I remember her always having the cutest outfits at the party and dancing all night and being happy! She always influenced people with her smile and joyful spirit!
I remember going to her house and at the end of the night, having 10 or more people surrounded in a circle making candy bracelets cause it just made us happy to do so!
I remember her "Fuckable Party Kids" list that she had! I still think it is the best thing ever. It's not always about the looks, but about the person, and she really brought this out and made others recognize this-
I remember she and her sister together- They were the best of friends- through good and bad- they were always there for eachother. An example we should all follow-
I remember going to the beach with her and Leslie-
I remember Stephanie dancing with the grace and beauty of a ballet dancer- Many people looked at her strangely because of her hair- but I thought she was beautiful! She was a beautiful person inside and out- She lived a hard life growing up, but she never let that show- She went out of her way to make sure everyone else had a smile on their face!
Stephanie- I wish I were able to tell you this today, but when we were in high school together, you were the one who inspired me to be who I was then, and am today- you taught me to stand up and out for myself- to be happy no matter what- to make those around me happy- And I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you now. For not having been there these past few years.
May you rest in peace, oh beautiful Stephanie! You are at peace at last! May your heaven be full of beautiful people and majestic peace~
With All of my love-
Msbek
There are a few other posts on the link, but I wanted to share some of them for you..
I ran into an old raver friend from way back at The Cove recently, super sweet girl, really big heart, always very sweet, used to see her at parties at Headliners and the Fairgrounds and such. How in the world it clicked where I knew her from is beyond me, but I remembered!! We started talking about the scene and people we used to know, and I mentioned Chad, asking if she knew she'd passed away. She didn't. I felt terrible and didn't know how to find her info, all I knew was that someone emailed me the forum link in 2007 when it happened. I was living in Kentucky, and as I read the words of soundboy, I cried with a hurt that has never gone away.
Stephanie, who went by "Chad", was a truly beautiful person. She was captivating. It was the one of the biggest highlights of my night when I would run into her. Slender, 5'6" or so, with these big, earnest, insightful blue eyes.. Chad was always smiling, always sweet. She would bring candy to parties for kids to enjoy, and it was always the bestest type of candy for the type of raves we were attending. Her hugs and greetings always made me feel so special. Even after I had to leave the scene (mid 2000) to have a child, I would still see her at 4/20 at Overton Park, and one year she brought a ton of bracelets that she'd made to give away. The one she gifted me is on my wrist right now, and I wear it often. glow in the dark plastic star beads, with green, light green, and blue beads in between the stars.. and alphabet letters spell out CHAOS.
I only have fond memories of her. I only hung out with her personally one time, when I picked her up from her house and took her to CK's in Bartlett, where we had coffee and talked for a long time.. I don't even remember what about really.. she was so captivating, I thought she was beautiful. She was the first girl to ever kiss me (at a party, neither one of us were sober), but the night we went out she kissed me under the influence of nothing. [At this point I will explain that no, I'm not gay, but if I would have ever been in a relationship with a chick, it would've been her for sure. I don't remember the exact last time I kissed a chick or a chick kissed me, but it's been years.. and I'm pretty sure inebriation was the cause. In any case, I do believe girls kiss way better than guys.. but then again, what can we not do better? (JOKE!) Anyway, she was magic. She was like a little kind pixie and I adored her.
The last time I saw her was at Overton Park. She gave me a big hug and although we hadn't seen one another in years, it made me feel so special to be recognized by her. She has always had such a special place in my heart. What an amazing person, and what a tragic circumstance that took her away from this plane of existence. My heart still goes out to her sister, who I doubt would remember me, as well as her family, who I never even met.. but my conversation at work last night reminded me of her more than the constantly worn bracelet.. and damn I miss that girl. I wish I could tell her how unique and amazing I thought she was, and how much joy she brought into my life. Even though I only got a glimpse of her world, I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to spend time with her.
Chad, Stephanie.. for me you will always be forever young, forever loved, and forever in my heart. I miss you.
If anyone has any pics of her, please send a message or comment and let me know. I would love to see her face again. Thanks so much.
☮♥
..♩.¸¸♬´¯`♬.¸¸¤..
"Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize
We're floating in space?
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round..."
~The Flaming Lips~
..¤¸¸.♬´¯`♬¸¸.♩..
Some comments from this thread:
05:24 PM, March 28th, 2007
For The Friends of Chad Harrison
Author: soundboy
Probably the candy raver of all time in the Memphis party scene Chad Harrison( thin, shaved head, cute cute, extremely kind and sweet girl) died this week in a car wreck with her sister Lily Harrison (who survived, but is still in the hospital). Her funeral is going to be at The Memphis Funeral Home at 3700 N. Germantown Rd on Saturday at 2pm. There will be a visitation on Friday between 5-8. They need Chads male friends to help with being pall bearers at the funeral.. If u knew Chad or know Lily share some love or kind words. Chad was in my opinion one of the nicest, kindest, most selfless and genuine people that has ever blessed the party scene in Memphis! U will be missed greatly Chad, but you left behind quite a legacy of spreading peace love unity and respect for everyone!
01:39 AM, March 30th, 2007
Re: For The Friends of Chad Harrison
Author: Better ways to Die
I met Chad before she got into the party scene- and even back then, she was all about making other people happy. She was always open to share whatever she had others, and never judged people. We connected again in the party scene, and she showed me a world like no other- I remember going to her house, and having the time of my life.
I remember getting the cutest candy ever from her!
I remember her always having the cutest outfits at the party and dancing all night and being happy! She always influenced people with her smile and joyful spirit!
I remember going to her house and at the end of the night, having 10 or more people surrounded in a circle making candy bracelets cause it just made us happy to do so!
I remember her "Fuckable Party Kids" list that she had! I still think it is the best thing ever. It's not always about the looks, but about the person, and she really brought this out and made others recognize this-
I remember she and her sister together- They were the best of friends- through good and bad- they were always there for eachother. An example we should all follow-
I remember going to the beach with her and Leslie-
I remember Stephanie dancing with the grace and beauty of a ballet dancer- Many people looked at her strangely because of her hair- but I thought she was beautiful! She was a beautiful person inside and out- She lived a hard life growing up, but she never let that show- She went out of her way to make sure everyone else had a smile on their face!
Stephanie- I wish I were able to tell you this today, but when we were in high school together, you were the one who inspired me to be who I was then, and am today- you taught me to stand up and out for myself- to be happy no matter what- to make those around me happy- And I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you now. For not having been there these past few years.
May you rest in peace, oh beautiful Stephanie! You are at peace at last! May your heaven be full of beautiful people and majestic peace~
With All of my love-
Msbek
There are a few other posts on the link, but I wanted to share some of them for you..
I ran into an old raver friend from way back at The Cove recently, super sweet girl, really big heart, always very sweet, used to see her at parties at Headliners and the Fairgrounds and such. How in the world it clicked where I knew her from is beyond me, but I remembered!! We started talking about the scene and people we used to know, and I mentioned Chad, asking if she knew she'd passed away. She didn't. I felt terrible and didn't know how to find her info, all I knew was that someone emailed me the forum link in 2007 when it happened. I was living in Kentucky, and as I read the words of soundboy, I cried with a hurt that has never gone away.
Stephanie, who went by "Chad", was a truly beautiful person. She was captivating. It was the one of the biggest highlights of my night when I would run into her. Slender, 5'6" or so, with these big, earnest, insightful blue eyes.. Chad was always smiling, always sweet. She would bring candy to parties for kids to enjoy, and it was always the bestest type of candy for the type of raves we were attending. Her hugs and greetings always made me feel so special. Even after I had to leave the scene (mid 2000) to have a child, I would still see her at 4/20 at Overton Park, and one year she brought a ton of bracelets that she'd made to give away. The one she gifted me is on my wrist right now, and I wear it often. glow in the dark plastic star beads, with green, light green, and blue beads in between the stars.. and alphabet letters spell out CHAOS.
I only have fond memories of her. I only hung out with her personally one time, when I picked her up from her house and took her to CK's in Bartlett, where we had coffee and talked for a long time.. I don't even remember what about really.. she was so captivating, I thought she was beautiful. She was the first girl to ever kiss me (at a party, neither one of us were sober), but the night we went out she kissed me under the influence of nothing. [At this point I will explain that no, I'm not gay, but if I would have ever been in a relationship with a chick, it would've been her for sure. I don't remember the exact last time I kissed a chick or a chick kissed me, but it's been years.. and I'm pretty sure inebriation was the cause. In any case, I do believe girls kiss way better than guys.. but then again, what can we not do better? (JOKE!) Anyway, she was magic. She was like a little kind pixie and I adored her.
The last time I saw her was at Overton Park. She gave me a big hug and although we hadn't seen one another in years, it made me feel so special to be recognized by her. She has always had such a special place in my heart. What an amazing person, and what a tragic circumstance that took her away from this plane of existence. My heart still goes out to her sister, who I doubt would remember me, as well as her family, who I never even met.. but my conversation at work last night reminded me of her more than the constantly worn bracelet.. and damn I miss that girl. I wish I could tell her how unique and amazing I thought she was, and how much joy she brought into my life. Even though I only got a glimpse of her world, I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to spend time with her.
Chad, Stephanie.. for me you will always be forever young, forever loved, and forever in my heart. I miss you.
If anyone has any pics of her, please send a message or comment and let me know. I would love to see her face again. Thanks so much.
☮♥
"Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize
We're floating in space?
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round..."
~The Flaming Lips~
..¤¸¸.♬´¯`♬¸¸.♩..
10 March 2011
My hell... it comes from inside of me. Why fight this?
If you want to call bullshit.. Please feel free to drop a comment below.
09 March 2011
The New Orleans Incident...
Well. Life has certainly thrown some curveballs at me lately, and to be honest, I feel like I've reacted just like I did when the volleyball would fly at me in high school gymn class; I'd either duck in fear, or it would just pound me in the face.
I've totally fallen off of the non-smoker wagon. Like, hard. I have a pack in my purse right now. I go off and on with smoking and have since I was 16 or so. Why? Because it's addictive, and somehow soothing, I suppose. So here I am at the mercy of Camels again.. and I don't like it, but somehow they're like old, cancerous friends, here to help me out. Once I started working in a bar that allows smoking, it was all over.
Last week, last Wednesday actually, was the epitome of bullshit in regards to my very best friend in the whole wide world. She'd invited me a couple of weeks beforehand to go with her to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The last time we ventured down there together (I think it was 2002...) we ended up on a balcony with The Fisherman getting crazy.. so crazy that we made it into the opening clips of that year's Cops Mardi Gras special. We saw Snoop Dog and his Girls Gone Wild Crew (no, we were not recruited or interested), got held up for an MTV video shoot of some slutty looking chick at Royal & Bourbon (turns out it was Christina Aguilera), like I cared, she and her big ass stage were in my way!
Anyway, a lot of things have happened in the last 9 years spanning these celebrations. My bff and I have seen each other through a lot of stuff. At points, I've been away for years from Memphis and she's had to leave and go through her own personal growth. Since I've been back in my hometown, we've been hanging out a little, slowly at first, because it's like neither one of us really trusted the other. It seems that at this point in time, she's actually become friends with our mutual local family doctor. I so don't like this. It's not ok, because BFF is still a patient of this DR, and that's really frowned upon I believe, if not unethical. It's extra weird because DR is in some kind of weird midlife crisis where she abhors her husband and has really began to believe that she is a psychic vampire. My BFF is intrigued by this. She thinks it's hilarious that DR is super into it, and likes to text/message/whatever with her about exchanging energy and whatnot.
And here begins my angry tangent over what my personal opinion about this is. I think it's bullshit. I understand the whole need to try something new deal, but this is just weird, man. Especially if you are a person who's gone through medical school, I don't see how you could possibly believe that something like this is a possibility. However, I'm not hatin'. I think most forms of any organized religion are a crock, and when it comes to folk religions, I think they're mostly superstition. I think that everyone has their own path, and that it takes all kinds. It's just really hard to see a woman who has given me pap smears, and been my doc since I was a teenager (off and on) that I have no clue how to deal with it. Let it be, I suppose, because personal and professional lives are completely different things.. UNLESS you are sharing your personal life with one of your patients.
Anyway, I was asked to go, and I decided that I would, but it was not without reluctance. I didn't really think it seemed like fun, considering the company, the fact that I had no money, etc. BFF said that her "boyf" would take care of things, and he did agree, and I told them I wasn't really wanting to take anyone's money or whatnot, or be a 5th wheel in a couples thing, but "boyf" said that if it made BFF happy, I should go, and he was glad to take me.
Then, the day before we were all supposed to leave, "boyf" calls me and tells me that he's really sorry, but his wife wants her child support a week earlier than usual, because something really important has come up, and he can't afford for me to go. Even though it was a relief in some ways, it was still a disappointment, but hey, the dude's kid far surpasses the importance of taking me on a trip to Louisiana. Also, I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around DR, so I told him it was fine.
Thursday comes along; they'd been down there a night and a day, and I get a phone call from "boyf". He left BFF in New Orleans b/c of all the stuff she was doing, the way she was acting, etc. I am not going to go into all the sordid alleged actions and details of what my BFF had been doing, but I will say that "boyf" told me that BFF had made him lie to me. I was uninvited because DR didn't want me to go. What the fuck, man? Really?
It was like a punch to the gut. I still don't really know how I'm going to get over it. I was going to never talk to my BFF again, considering I was thinking about all of her negative tendencies, but then I reconsidered. She's apologized and such, but how am I supposed to believe anything she says? I'm her friend and I know how she is... it's kind of like "The Puppet-master". She spins so many lies and gets caught up in so many deceitful actions that honestly, I don't know if I should be affiliated with her. Yes, everyone lies sometimes, but it's almost like she lies to make this big huge drama web that I want nothing to do with. It doesn't make me feel comfortable.
So, my relationship with her at this point is on very shaky ground.. and I don't like it. I'm keeping my distance, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with her. She's like my sister; you don't just abandon people you've known your entire life, do you? I would like to think not.
This is me talking about one of the first things that has me totally stressed out. There are many more things to come, but this was the beginning of the whammies I've recently been receiving.
Time to go.
I've totally fallen off of the non-smoker wagon. Like, hard. I have a pack in my purse right now. I go off and on with smoking and have since I was 16 or so. Why? Because it's addictive, and somehow soothing, I suppose. So here I am at the mercy of Camels again.. and I don't like it, but somehow they're like old, cancerous friends, here to help me out. Once I started working in a bar that allows smoking, it was all over.
Last week, last Wednesday actually, was the epitome of bullshit in regards to my very best friend in the whole wide world. She'd invited me a couple of weeks beforehand to go with her to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The last time we ventured down there together (I think it was 2002...) we ended up on a balcony with The Fisherman getting crazy.. so crazy that we made it into the opening clips of that year's Cops Mardi Gras special. We saw Snoop Dog and his Girls Gone Wild Crew (no, we were not recruited or interested), got held up for an MTV video shoot of some slutty looking chick at Royal & Bourbon (turns out it was Christina Aguilera), like I cared, she and her big ass stage were in my way!
Anyway, a lot of things have happened in the last 9 years spanning these celebrations. My bff and I have seen each other through a lot of stuff. At points, I've been away for years from Memphis and she's had to leave and go through her own personal growth. Since I've been back in my hometown, we've been hanging out a little, slowly at first, because it's like neither one of us really trusted the other. It seems that at this point in time, she's actually become friends with our mutual local family doctor. I so don't like this. It's not ok, because BFF is still a patient of this DR, and that's really frowned upon I believe, if not unethical. It's extra weird because DR is in some kind of weird midlife crisis where she abhors her husband and has really began to believe that she is a psychic vampire. My BFF is intrigued by this. She thinks it's hilarious that DR is super into it, and likes to text/message/whatever with her about exchanging energy and whatnot.
And here begins my angry tangent over what my personal opinion about this is. I think it's bullshit. I understand the whole need to try something new deal, but this is just weird, man. Especially if you are a person who's gone through medical school, I don't see how you could possibly believe that something like this is a possibility. However, I'm not hatin'. I think most forms of any organized religion are a crock, and when it comes to folk religions, I think they're mostly superstition. I think that everyone has their own path, and that it takes all kinds. It's just really hard to see a woman who has given me pap smears, and been my doc since I was a teenager (off and on) that I have no clue how to deal with it. Let it be, I suppose, because personal and professional lives are completely different things.. UNLESS you are sharing your personal life with one of your patients.
Anyway, I was asked to go, and I decided that I would, but it was not without reluctance. I didn't really think it seemed like fun, considering the company, the fact that I had no money, etc. BFF said that her "boyf" would take care of things, and he did agree, and I told them I wasn't really wanting to take anyone's money or whatnot, or be a 5th wheel in a couples thing, but "boyf" said that if it made BFF happy, I should go, and he was glad to take me.
Then, the day before we were all supposed to leave, "boyf" calls me and tells me that he's really sorry, but his wife wants her child support a week earlier than usual, because something really important has come up, and he can't afford for me to go. Even though it was a relief in some ways, it was still a disappointment, but hey, the dude's kid far surpasses the importance of taking me on a trip to Louisiana. Also, I wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable around DR, so I told him it was fine.
Thursday comes along; they'd been down there a night and a day, and I get a phone call from "boyf". He left BFF in New Orleans b/c of all the stuff she was doing, the way she was acting, etc. I am not going to go into all the sordid alleged actions and details of what my BFF had been doing, but I will say that "boyf" told me that BFF had made him lie to me. I was uninvited because DR didn't want me to go. What the fuck, man? Really?
It was like a punch to the gut. I still don't really know how I'm going to get over it. I was going to never talk to my BFF again, considering I was thinking about all of her negative tendencies, but then I reconsidered. She's apologized and such, but how am I supposed to believe anything she says? I'm her friend and I know how she is... it's kind of like "The Puppet-master". She spins so many lies and gets caught up in so many deceitful actions that honestly, I don't know if I should be affiliated with her. Yes, everyone lies sometimes, but it's almost like she lies to make this big huge drama web that I want nothing to do with. It doesn't make me feel comfortable.
So, my relationship with her at this point is on very shaky ground.. and I don't like it. I'm keeping my distance, and I don't really know what I'm going to do with her. She's like my sister; you don't just abandon people you've known your entire life, do you? I would like to think not.
This is me talking about one of the first things that has me totally stressed out. There are many more things to come, but this was the beginning of the whammies I've recently been receiving.
Time to go.
08 March 2011
even as i left fl...
just found out my little sister and her fiancee put an offer on a house in florida. i have been musing over moving back for a while... but i don't know. there's so much to think about. i'm all flustered.
07 March 2011
I'm on a BOAT!!
The Lonely Island boys are some funny guys. I like it. (If ONLY they could be Flight of the Conchords. Oh, how I love those New Zealanders. I know these guys are just American actor dudes.. but they remind me of FOTC.)I'm On a Boat!
04 March 2011
funny that tonite i would choose this tree...
i just found out my best friend lied to me, betrayed my trust, and acted like a total bitch. what hurts the most? the lies, for sure. with her, i'm usually not assertive, but this is ridiculous.
You Are Confident and Dominant |
 You are a very independent, do it yourself kind of person. You've had to rely on yourself. You know how to be strong for yourself and the people you love. You have a protective streak. You sometimes come off as a little assertive. You know what you want, and you're not afraid to go get it. The only thing you require from people is that they're straight with you. You are ready for the truth. |
bouganvilla seeds
i had a dream last night that i was having a baby (i am definitely not. celibacy is 99.99% effective, after all.. the exception being christ's mom or whatever). i remember going into labor and feeling like i could take care of it on my own. then i realized it was a horrid mistake, and when i pushed, the baby fell out without a sound. it's eyes could barely open, it was so tiny and pink, and the umbilical cord intact, and it opened its little mouth and scrunched his eyes and he was so small (i never really determined the sex, but i kept calling him a he). he looked confused, like he just wasn't supposed to be there. and the dread set in when i realized he wasn't ready to be born. he was too premature. i'd no clue how long i'd been pregnant, but it was not long enough, and this cold panic set in. i called for a nurse, i was freaking out, just telling them over and over to please save him, to keep him alive.
his father came into the room then, someone i have loved and known, and the look on his face when he saw the baby was amazing. the nurse was listening to the baby's heart, her eyes widened, and she shook her head, telling me he had maybe 3 minutes left. i implored the nurse to get an incubator, to warm him up, to give him oxygen and iv meds, but all she could say was how sorry she was, and there was nothing to be done. it was over before his life began, before he could even cry.
my heart broke and i handed him to his father so he could see him, caressed the baby's little body, and together we slowly watched the color drain, the shallow breathing cease, until he was cold. he turned an almost translucent grey color at that point. i was devastated.
then it got stranger. i told the nurse it was like he never existed at all. it was surreal, terrible and sad. i was left alone to mourn, but someone very unlikely came in. it was the father's ex-wife. she told me she knew what i was going through because it had happened to her as well. we've always really disliked each other.. but this was the first time i felt she was being genuinely nice to me. we had a common pain that we'd shared with a man we'd both loved, and we actually hugged. it was crazy.
i don't know why this dream would spring to mind, but it made me begin to analyze. first, i wondered if it's because my ex and his wife are pregnant, and the fact that she's had 4 miscarriages is heavy on my mind.
second, the very obvious tragedy that the father in the dream and his ex-wife went through together.
how odd. it was so sad. it made me mourn a child i will never see. i'm a mess. at least i recognize it.
and now for music.. i am addicted to sam beam. i am suppsosed to see him at sasquatch but am seriously reconsidering going because the rainbow gathering is one month later in washington state, and i want to bring miss maya with me, if i can get in touch with a friend i haven't seen since i was in san fransisco last (2006).
in any capacity, here is tonight's music, and for some reason, hearing it is what made me remember my dream. enjoy.
his father came into the room then, someone i have loved and known, and the look on his face when he saw the baby was amazing. the nurse was listening to the baby's heart, her eyes widened, and she shook her head, telling me he had maybe 3 minutes left. i implored the nurse to get an incubator, to warm him up, to give him oxygen and iv meds, but all she could say was how sorry she was, and there was nothing to be done. it was over before his life began, before he could even cry.
my heart broke and i handed him to his father so he could see him, caressed the baby's little body, and together we slowly watched the color drain, the shallow breathing cease, until he was cold. he turned an almost translucent grey color at that point. i was devastated.
then it got stranger. i told the nurse it was like he never existed at all. it was surreal, terrible and sad. i was left alone to mourn, but someone very unlikely came in. it was the father's ex-wife. she told me she knew what i was going through because it had happened to her as well. we've always really disliked each other.. but this was the first time i felt she was being genuinely nice to me. we had a common pain that we'd shared with a man we'd both loved, and we actually hugged. it was crazy.
i don't know why this dream would spring to mind, but it made me begin to analyze. first, i wondered if it's because my ex and his wife are pregnant, and the fact that she's had 4 miscarriages is heavy on my mind.
second, the very obvious tragedy that the father in the dream and his ex-wife went through together.
how odd. it was so sad. it made me mourn a child i will never see. i'm a mess. at least i recognize it.
and now for music.. i am addicted to sam beam. i am suppsosed to see him at sasquatch but am seriously reconsidering going because the rainbow gathering is one month later in washington state, and i want to bring miss maya with me, if i can get in touch with a friend i haven't seen since i was in san fransisco last (2006).
in any capacity, here is tonight's music, and for some reason, hearing it is what made me remember my dream. enjoy.
Happy Birthday Granny
today was my grandmother's birthday. i am going to weed the flower beds tomorrow for her, and hopefully make it to put flowers on her grave for the first time. i miss her so much.
grandmother, mrs mary frances floyd wigman, i love you so much. i think of you all the time. i remember how exciting it was as a child to spend the night on saturdays and watch the golden girls and go to church with you on sunday.
since you've been gone, that blue plate cafe you and auntie liked has closed, and ryan's i think is still open. i haven't noticed if picadilly is or not.
i'm so sorry about the state of the house you left to mom. i'm doing the best i can but it's like swimming upstream, and i do intend on at least weeding your front beds tomorrow, fertilizing them, and i may have to replace your barberries.. it kind of looks like the weeds were allowed to choke em out. i won't let you down. if i could send letters to heaven, i most certainly would.
you were one of my favorite people in the whole world. i'm going to stop before i cry... but wherever you are, hopefully happy with grandfather, i hope you are in peace, and i would like to think you're looking down to check in on me, at least sometimes. i'm up against a lot, gran. i know you know. it's hard.
just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you. you made such a difference in my life, and it was all positive. thanks for helping with homemade play-dough, giving me angel food mint chocolate chip ice cream in tupperware bowls and letting me cut it into pies after mushing it down, sharing so much of your life with me. even though you're gone, i carry you in my heart, and you're with me all the time. i adore you.
bye for now.
Mr & Mrs Wigman - January 1944
grandmother, mrs mary frances floyd wigman, i love you so much. i think of you all the time. i remember how exciting it was as a child to spend the night on saturdays and watch the golden girls and go to church with you on sunday.
since you've been gone, that blue plate cafe you and auntie liked has closed, and ryan's i think is still open. i haven't noticed if picadilly is or not.
i'm so sorry about the state of the house you left to mom. i'm doing the best i can but it's like swimming upstream, and i do intend on at least weeding your front beds tomorrow, fertilizing them, and i may have to replace your barberries.. it kind of looks like the weeds were allowed to choke em out. i won't let you down. if i could send letters to heaven, i most certainly would.
you were one of my favorite people in the whole world. i'm going to stop before i cry... but wherever you are, hopefully happy with grandfather, i hope you are in peace, and i would like to think you're looking down to check in on me, at least sometimes. i'm up against a lot, gran. i know you know. it's hard.
just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you. you made such a difference in my life, and it was all positive. thanks for helping with homemade play-dough, giving me angel food mint chocolate chip ice cream in tupperware bowls and letting me cut it into pies after mushing it down, sharing so much of your life with me. even though you're gone, i carry you in my heart, and you're with me all the time. i adore you.
bye for now.
03 March 2011
it's a JOY to meet you!
last night, i didn't get to finish typing about what happened at work. there was a guy sitting by the service end of the bar. he looked all scruffy and rough, and was adorned with really nice tattoos. he was very pleasant and after a couple of hours of drinking, his voice began to sound a lot like tom waits.. which i joked about with him. every time i tried to remember his name, i called him "tim", but his name is ben. i kind of thought he was adorable.
my best friend stopped in with some people. one of the people she was with, paul, ordered 3 paninis and i told them drinks were on me, not food. i got my discount for the food, but when i took the check to paul (who i haven't seen in years), he just looked at me like i'm the one with brain damage instead of him. so i played it off like it was no big deal, but honestly i was pretty irritated. then he didn't leave a tip at all.
at this point, my friend and her entourage had exited, and ben was sitting at the bar with this guy named doyle, who was also very cool. when trivia ended, evan, isaac (another co-worker) and i talked to those guys for a bit. they were funny, ben recommended that i see some tv show called the wire, which i will have to check out, bc he's all about some always sunny and that is one of my fave shows EVER!, and i told him he's got some shameless to catch up on, because it's my new favorite addiction.
then i started bitching because i had to cover a $30 tab for those paninis. it really irritated me. it was rude, even though i played it off like it was cool. i was going to eat it, and ben bought them. i was like, "dude, no.. you definitely do not have to do that!" evan just took his money, though, and i thanked him. it was one of the nicest things a stranger has done for me in a while.
so the crowd clears out. no one comes in for an hour or so. ben and doyle leave for 'the buc' (the bucaneer), a place i had never been nor really known about.
after he left, my co-worker evan (who is awesome)told me that ben is the singer for this local band called lucero, which isn't very local anymore. i remember seeing them over a decade ago and there were only a handful of people at the show. i want to say i was at the deli, but i could be wrong. i remember thinking their name reminded me of a santana song or something.never paid much attention, but over the years, just like cody and luther in north miss allstars, i saw the band name get bigger jigs at festivals, etc. he just got home from a national tour with his 5 bandmates, which i'm sure was both arduous and fun. i had been yammering on about my life when he asked questions, because he said he'd just gotten back, and so have i, and he asked where i've been, and when i consider where i've been when i think about my life right now, it's pretty astounding. so i'm talking to him about my life, and how it circled back to memphis. when i asked him about his travels, he was super vague. now i know why and feel like kind of a shithead. obviously, he's kind of a big deal to people all over the country who are familiar with his music. for me, he was ben, wearing black gloves with the fingers cut out and an old army jacket over a red lumberjack looking shirt that reminded me of my dad. the cool thing about that is, i will never see him any other way, even though their new tour lineup looks fantastic, and he doesn't just sit at home playing rock star, he apparently is one.
since we closed pretty early, isaac and i went to the bucaneer with evan to see if anything was going on. normally i leave and go home, this was the first time i'd been invited to go out with the guys, and i thought maybe ben would still be there (seriously, i don't think lucero is my type of music.. but i wanted to see him again).. and he was.
..and he was totally shitfaced and a huge asshole. i was sitting with isaac at a table watching friday and drinking a blue moon, and he was down at the end of the bar closest to the door. there were a lot of people in this dive. it reminded me of this anclote river bar that you can park your boat at in fl, and go in and meet bikers; it's like this little shack. the buc is super similar in the way it feels inside, tiny and squished by the bar, bigger rooms on the other side. interesting mix of folks in that place. i chilled with evan and isaac and didn't say anything to ben or doyle for a long while. when i did go to say hi, ben was a dickhead. i guess he'd had way too much to drink, and i was a little tipsy too, and all i did was go to say hi, and he told me to fuck off with this look in his eyes that was very serious. repeatedly. at first i thought he was kidding, but when i realized he wasn't, my feelings got really hurt and then i got really pissed. i told him he could fuck off and walked back to the small two-top i'd been sitting at with isaac.
he actually yelled at me to get original material, so i yelled at him to fuck himself with a gerbil, and to just let it run around in his intestines (or something super fucking bizarre), and evan came back over and told me to stop.
he gives me this whole "oh, he just got home from a super long tour and he's shitty drunk and you don't know who he is and he's used to people buying him shots all the time".. and i didn't give two shits. he had been blatantly mean for no reason, leaving me feeling stupid as hell. and evan reminded me he was nice enough to pay for the paninis, and i told him i'd give the fucker his money back, and all these tears were welling up b/c why would someone be mean for no reason (and also i have a tendency to cry easily when i drink- easier than usual!).
either way, i was right and evan told him to apologize or he decided to apologize or something, but he came over and took both my hands and looked me dead in the face and told me he was sorry he'd been such a huge jackass and that there was no cause or excuse for it. and then i'm all tryin not to cry, but i'm still pissed, and i'm hanging onto his tattoo-covered hands and looked right back at him, and i asked what had happened to him that has made him the way he was acting, where had he been?
those are probably things i will never know. he left shortly after, alone, hunched over, super drunk, no one stopped him from driving, i had been the only one who had called him out over being a shitass, and his "friends" just let him go when he was probably the worst off out of everyone in the damn bar that should drive anywhere.
i've never been a rockstar, nor will i ever be, but as i watched him leave in his army jacket and fingertip-missing gloves, i felt a wave of loneliness for him. evan says that when he's home he's a dork and plays dungeons and dragons or something silly. it's hard to imagine that someone who is a local celebrity, recognized everywhere he goes by someone, can be leaving a bar alone at 4:30am by himself to go digest his liquor alone.
he was so human, so normal, such a douche, and then he was genuinely sorry about it. for a minute i wish he hadn't been a successful musician, because he's someone i would like to know.. that won't happen, but what a nice man. that's my conclusion. ben nichols is a nice guy. maybe his loneliness was perceived wrong, and i was just seeing something in myself reflecting back out of him. you can be surrounded by people all the time and still feel quite alone. it's weird. life is weird. all people are just people. no one is above the other when it comes to fame, money, etc. we all come into this world alone and leave it the same way. the experiences are all just for us, each one. no one that's here is exempt from it.
so tonight i hung out with a new friend, woodsey. what a nice person. he let me watch this foreign nazi zombie movie, ordered tucker's for me, let me have a glass of red wine, and we just chilled and hung out for about 4 hours.
interesting guy, he and his roomie christian are very into film making, and christian has been in a few movies as well. he's apparently locally known too. personally i prefer woodsey, content to be behind the camera and in on the making and creation of the movie (although he will be in projects if needed). they write a lot of stuff, turn it into films, it's pretty cool. somehow i feel like woodsey didn't like me.. but i hope he did because he was nice as all get out and i would much like to be his friend.
when i left, i felt like he may not invite me to hang out again, and i would like to. i'm decidedly single right now but it would be nice to have a new friend. maybe i was a let down; he's been trying to meet me for over a month.
in any capacity, life is what is and you cannot elude death or taxes. time for me to go to sleep.
02 March 2011
This Shit Writes Itself! BAM!
From Headline Shirts.
O! how much more doth beauty beauteous seem
By that sweet ornament which truth doth give.
The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem
For that sweet odour, which doth in it live.
The canker blooms have full as deep a dye...
Hang on, cut the music for a second.
Hi, reader, it's Will Shakespeare here. You know, I don't mean to come off as cocky, but this shit basically writes itself. I honestly don't know what the big deal is.
Do you know that I invented almost 2,000 words on my own? So I'm literally just making up words as I go. You know who else made up words on the fly? Snoop Dogg. You think history will remember him as a literary genius?
Yup, I make up a bunch of schmancy words for linguists to guffaw over, toss in a few "haths" and "doths" for the drama majors, and -- BAM! -- instant classic every time. Seriously, there have been entire college courses taught about stuff I basically wrote on the crapper. Tellin' you, this shit writes itself.
The sun is coming up as I type
i'm not even bothering with captials. it's 6am; fuck it.
tonight was insane. totally interesting. let's do it in reverse.
i changed into my pjs. i cleaned the kitchen. i took out the trash, made maya's lunch, messed around with the cats, gave them some milk, jogged pretty hardcore to the mailbox and back, signed a card for sweet haden that says on the front "i'm thinking about monkeys..." and when you open it, it makes monkey noises and says, "and now, so are you!" that i had everyone else in the house sign too.
i noticed how sad and sick my mother looks.. i don't think she's even been off the couch other than to go to the restroom or to bathe since i have been back.. and that's been more than a month. on the coffee table, there is a vase of pink roses and white carnations that i couldn't help but notice from valentine's day. they are all wilted, almost spent. it seemed like yesterday that they were so pretty and fresh. it seems the flowers are much like my mother. i worry about her so much, i don't know if she realizes how much.. but goddamn i love her. i'm worried she won't be in the world on this plane of existence too much longer, and i don't want my mother to stop tangibly existing in my life.. but f**k me sideways, she's only a shadow of the woman i once knew. i miss her. i miss my mom. i want to go back to the start, before she got sick, and prevent it. (i wish i could do the same for miss maya and her diabetes. no luck). if some deity or whatever came down from the heavens and told me that i could sacrifice my time on this planet and my life in exchange for the health and well being of my daughter and my mother, plus a long and happy life for them, as well as haden, i would gladly give myself up to the universe, no questions asked. most days i don't really feel like existing anyway. i feel like as much as there is to see in this world, there's probably much more on the other cide that i do not remotely comprehend.. but i know my existence will continue... especially if i give up this life for martyrdom. alas, i know that's not really a feasible option. however life, if you give me the choice, i won't even question. i'm yours to relieve. just please, heal the people that i love, and make their lives spectacular. i've only been through 29 yrs and a little over a month, but i've done a lot. most of my life has been about the absence of money and i wouldn't have it any other fucking way. fuck currency. fuck possessions. none of it matters when you turn into worm food.
ok... maybe i don't even feel like doing this backwards anymore. maybe i feel like rambling on however i want to. i'm trying to go back to the beginning.. let's face it, i'm fucking tired and cranky. i was supposed to be going somewhere right now. i was supposed to be with my bff on my way out of town. it isn't happening thought, through no fault of anyone. i'm a bit bummed, but it's ok.
i wanted to ramble on, but i can clearly see the world outside at this point. reminder to self: talk about closing conversation w isaac and evan. talk about creepy guy from the buccaneer. slow club, wakarusa, lucero, ben and his tom waits voice, derby girls, drunk pbr lasy, trivia night, paninis, sasquatch, traci, paul, erin, nola, monster, adipex, aderol, paleo veggie diet, my allergies to ecercise,miranda cosgrove, the postal service, james, ben, doyle, shuffleboard, andy, dick fuckin chaney, recycling at work and home, cats, laundry, and whatever else i can recall. until then, i must pass out. what a long day. let's hope evan wants me to work for him tomorrow.
i love shameless and modest mouse also and want to say some things about that, and "my ex and his wife, and spring break, and sasquatch vs gathering. also maybe mazzy starr.
K. must paSS OUR. out. sleepy as fuck i don't want a tv on.musib is better.
oj, snf msys's texy wew nor in regard to reporting to different cultures of kife.
for now,DONE.
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