Things Are Looking Up...

I'd finally gotten tired of Lowe's. I didn't get the Live Nursery job and I felt like I was doomed to be a cashier indefinitely. I cannot feed 2 kids and pay bills on less than $10/hr. So I decided to call in when the next Amazon's hiring fair came (warehouse work, 10 hr shifts, $12/hr to start).
I was feelin pretty hopeless, wondering why people who bust their asses for their kids cannot get govt help b/c we make "too much" & the lazy asses who don't do anything productive get housing aid, free food, etc from my tax money... I was literally near tears of frustration, but then I got a call from my HR at Lowe's. They said they've made more changes and I'm still in the running for the job I wanted. They asked if I could come in for an interview with the store mgr that day. I agreed.
I got the job. Me! 44% raise and a specialist title. They offered to pay for me to go to school for state licensing. I know I can go far with this job. A lot of people make a career out of it. I am so fortunate b/c I love working with those plants. I stumbled upon the job as a waterer from a hookup from Grant, and knew little about plants, except what my Granny had taught me. Over the last two summers, I've picked up more and more and now instead of being like, "ooh, what pretty landscaping!", I'm like, "hey! I love the way they put those Crape Myrtles in the background and those Hostas together with that Lantana!"
Yeah. So now I get to do the job I was essentially already doing, only with better pay and the "official" responsibility. I'm nervous, but at least now I can pay some bills!

Lunch Time Midday Venting Rant

so. i applied for the live nursery specialist job at lowe's, the new one i'm at. i didn't get it, but i thought it'd be b/c of calling in at my last lowe's when maya first got to ky. this is not the case, however. i didn't get it b/c they made budget cuts due to our inventory showing mass shrink. therefore, they eliminated some department managers and moved them around. problem is, they decided to use a dept mgr for the live nursery job. this is fucked up b/c a) dude's the hardware manager and doesn't know a petunia from a pansy or an annual from a perennial, and b) this guy has been written up for being a suckass employee!

to add to my bummed-ness... the hr manager jay told me that he could tell i have a real passion for the work. he said he knew i belonged outside. he said that i was the best interview they'd had, and that i woulda been the one to get the position. now, i know this was supposed to make me feel better, and i thanked him, imploring him to send me back outside asap (two more employees just quit out there)... but then i left his office, went straight into the bathroom, turned my smile off when i got into a stall safely, and cried my self-pitying pansy ass off.

working as the lns at lowe's is a very challenging job. i'm sure everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah, so please don't try to tell me all that "everything's ok" bullshit b/c it's really not. i mean... it IS... b/c i don't have any terminable illnesses and i have a roof over my head and tralala... and in this economy i should be pleased as punch to have a job.

but, i fucking love those plants. i love working with them. i belong there. now who knows how long i'm going to be a cashier. i'm a 26 year old with 2 kids, a $9.02/hr job that i currently dislike... & i'm trying to do this day by day but today... bad day. i know i shoulda, coulda, woulda done a lot differently. but i gotta do what i gotta do now.

there's no one in the world i am happier to do all of this for than my man and babies, but it's hard. i don't have time for school right now, which is going to be the only way i can make our lives better. other than that i'm going to be working shitty, low paying jobs forever. this is unacceptable. i bust my ass all the time and i feel like i'm going around in fuckin circles. every day is a routine to the next day and the next, and i am not making more money or doing better.

Whatsa Happenin

maya is staying in kentucky. yep yep. she now has a regular bedtime and she sleeps all by herself. i've been running around trying to get her insurance switched to ky, getting her into school, her physical, etc. on top of this i work 36 hours a week or so at lowe's. so college is yet again pushed to the back burner.

we still haven't totally unpacked here. of course we'd finally given up on maya being here so we went ahead and rented a 2 br place. now maya's staying and it peeves her when haden wakes up wailing middle of the night so he sleeps in his pack n play in me n g's room.

it's good maya gets to stay. but... we are freakin exhausted. it's almost like having an insta-second kid. it's hard on us, g especially. maya has gotten mighty over privledged and a wee tad bratty and spoiled. it's ok though. manners are making a comeback. it's a slow process though. there is never a single spare moment for time alone.

haden got his 6 mos shots yesterday. he's ok.

i interviewed for a better job at lowe's the other day. if i don't get it, i am going to look for something better. anyone got any ideas, lemme know! $9/hr ain't cuttin it anymore with 2 kids and a crap load of bills to pay.