19 September 2017

For the Love of Russian

The coffee shop across the street from where you used to live
     was my favorite coffee shop in Lexington
I liked watching Frazier and Always Sunny in Philadelphia with you
    and making fun of your love of science fiction
I thought your Nietzsche finger puppet was hilarious and your love of Rush was bizarre
    (it's comforting that you ended up liking Modest Mouse- you're welcome)
I know you know I'm a sucker for words (in any language) and weirdos
     you linguist weirdo
Every time i'd visit you in the bookstore your smile would warm me up from the inside
     It'll be good to give you a hug one of these days, hear you call me ladyface

I am so glad you're one of my friends
   How in the world did we end up seeing GWAR anyway???


Image result for GWAR lexington ky
GWAR @ Buster's 2012

17 January 2013

Possum Living in 2013

...Have you heard of it? Because I am so, so beyond done. I will be 31 in 3 days. I don't like what's going on with the govt. I don't like the further shaving off of our liberties. I abhor the social workers and the way they take children away from people who have done nothing wrong. I'm fed up. I'm sick and tired of it all. And in this year of my life by god, I am going to change my existence... starting with my way of life. It's going to be hard, arduous. I will sweat and bleed and cry. But when the shit inevitably hits the fan, I will be self-sufficient and ready. I am going to be reunited with my baby and I am going to be an excellent mother not only to him but to my beautiful 12 year old who I have finally become responsible for her as I should have when I was a teenage mother so long ago, long before my dad went to watch television and never woke up and I moved 3000 miles to be with my little girl and start over... again, and hopefully for at least a decade. It's happening. Big changes. I'm done with asshole men and fucked relationships. I'm done with vain attempts at the proverbial "American Dream" bullshit I was never able to buy into in the first place. I am not running away, nor am I starting over again because of some flippant decision. It was difficult and I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I feel like my heart broke... but it's still beating and I am not even beginning to show my capacity for living well and fighting the good fight. Here's to turning 31 and finally not only getting the concept, but beginning to apply it to my life and to making my life my own... and the best one anyone could ever give the children she loves so very, very much and will be devoting her life to foremost.. not just because it's the right thing to do, but because I want to do it more than I have ever wanted anything, and because they are more important than any stupid ideas or wanderings I have ever thought important before. I am done with selfishness. I am going to fix this. And I am going to begin immediately. http://www.possumliving.com/ http://www.wikihow.com/Live-the-DIY-Life-as-Described-in-%22Possum-Living%22

11 April 2012

I'm so Smart I'm Practically Retarded

Where have I ended up as of now? In Missoula, MT since Xmas. Now past my due date, I am both eager to meet my son & terrified of having another baby. I live in a trailer, an old leaky single-wide piece of shit (for lack of a better term) with 3 broken out windows, exposed sub-flooring, a sinkless bathroom, an old marijuana grow room, a leaky sewage problem, a very unmotivated boyfriend, and (since the last few days) a neighbor who I guess has been offered a place to stay by my significant other now that he & his girlfriend have parted ways.

I've been working a job at a gas station, graveyard shifts, but my pregnancy finally sent me on early maternity leave 3/17. I am having a really difficult time with this one, even though he's been easiest on me with pregnancy, he's been the most difficult in other ways & I am really shocked to find myself bringing a fourth child into the world- as well as disappointed by the circumstances.

I thought my significant other would be gainfully employed by now but such is not the case & although I won't say he's done nothing in regards to our relationship, I will confess that in terms of obtaining employment there has been nothing but the occasional attempt at a scam, and those have heretofore only been a nuisance and attributed to me as well, leaving me in potential trouble for his oh-so-clever misdeeds.

I honestly don't know what to do. Today is the celebration of Easter, of rebirth... Maybe something will change. Something needs to happen!

05 April 2012

Guten Tag

So here are the rules:

Post the rules
Answer the questions
Create 11 new questions
Tag 11 people with a link to your post
Let them know you’ve tagged them
Questions

Do you have a test or tests that help you judge someone’s character? Loaning them something that they will have to pay me back for & waiting to see if they will actually do it.

When did you first feel like a grown-up? I guess when I realized I was no longer at home in my parents' house. It was sad.

What is something you read that made you wish you could write that well? The Gospel of Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, and many things by Vonnegut & Tom Robbins. Also, the simple beauty of The Giving Tree.

What do you say when you answer the phone? Usually I say "what up dude?" (or lady, or mama- depending on who it is). If its not someone I know, I stick with the traditional hello.

Have you ever stiffed someone on a tip? Maybe a couple of times if they totally sucked. They'd have to have done something really crappy though.

Do you have a favorite writing utensil? I like roller ball pens.

Do you use a calendar? Sho nuff.

Do you have road rage? Only if I'm super late for something & people are driving like jerks. Or if someone is blatantly rude to me first.

Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night but not all night. The graveyards shifts I worked were killing me.

What surprised you about blogging when you first started? It honestly wasn't surprising, but it made me realize I didn't want everyone on the net getting to read anything too personal... Bc what If they knew me & gossip & drama!!!... You know. So I tried to be more guarded.

If you could drink anything at all, what would you choose? This immediately sends me to adult beverage mode bc I've been pregnant forever. Bloody Mary. Yum.

Now for the eleven questions my friend concocted:

Coke or Pepsi? Or Fanta (we don’t judge)? Dr Pepper

What is your guilty pleasure? Definitely not admitting this online.

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? Beatles. But in terms of single artist, Bob Dylan hands down.

Describe your first crush. A kid who Ninja Turtles with me in 2nd grade.

How often do you respond to/ pass along blogging honors, such as the Versatile Blogging Award? I so suck, not a very active blogger.. I still journal!

Where would you travel if you could go anywhere? India, Nepal, Thailand. And I'd like to see Macchu Pichu.

Did you have cable TV growing up? My granny got it as a treat for us when I was in 1st grade, then at some point in the country where my parents' home was, Dad bootlegged it.

What’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever eaten? Um... for some reason this sends my mind to a dirty place.

Why do you blog? Because I like to write & always have, it makes me timeless.

What’s the worst gift you’ve ever been given? I'm not sure. I probably re-gifted it.

Any baby advice? Roll with the punches.

Now I'm supposed to write 11 ?s... but I don't have anyone to tag. However, stuff to ponder:

When you were little, if you were a girl, did you kiss frogs or toads trying to turn them into princes? If you were a boy, did you ever needlessly kill frogs?

What was the best nighttime dream you remember having?

Tell me about one of your favorite local dive bars or restaurants & your fave thing to get there and why.

What's the most physically uncomfortable you've ever been?

Coffee or tea & what's your fave drink of your bean or leaf water choice?

Have you ever skinny dipped & if so what was your experience like (or favorite one if you've done it repeatedly)?

In terms of alcohol what's your fave kind? Beer, liquor, wine? Fave adult drink?

What's your favorite season & why?

What do you consider to be the coolest city you've visited or lived in & why?

Have you ever seen the Northern Lights?

If you could live in any city for a while, where would it be? Or would you want to settle down there?

07 November 2011

We'll All Float On...

So much has changed it's hard to re-cap. I did indeed leave my hometown again; I couldn't stand it, I had to escape.


Three months and thousands of miles later, I came to the ultimate realization that I was running and running and running, but I could never escape myself. I had some amazing adventures. I fell in love beyond compare. I went above and beyond limits for living that I thought I had. I got pregnant (WTF!) by the man I fell in love with. I jacked UP my car in a variety of ways. I realized that running away was a mistake, and tried to go back to my parents' (for several reasons), but was shut down immediately. I was literally quite homeless for a long, bohemian, vagabond time.

I ended up back in Lexington b/c I have real friends here, good friends, and my son is here. My daughter is still with my parents in Memphis, which sucks. Not a lot is going well, but it's going, and I am trying to do better every day. I have gotten a job, and another job, and I am working on visitation with my little boy. I have a place to live with some friends who used to be neighbors, and another place to stay with an awesome friend I met going to school here. I'm right just today at approximately 18 weeks pregnant, and I am going to be having a little boy. I really wish I hadn't messed stuff up with my children though, and by leaving Memphis in June that's exactly what I did. So many things have occurred due to that decision, including the creation of a new life, that I don't know if I would go back and change it were it a possibility to do so, but I have a lot to make up for.

As far as the person I fell in love with... idiot.

So. There's my re-cap. I don't know if I will ever have time to write about my adventures on the road this past summer, but it was crazy and I had a lot of fun (and a lot of not-so-much fun, I met some amazing people that I will hold dear forever... but it's so much, I didn't even journal it like I should have, and now it's over and done with and I should have kept up with my writing more.

In any capacity, I am going to write a letter and go to bed. Being pregnant makes me extra tired lately.