The Ocean Breathes Salty

   frick yeah miffernickers!  I AM GOING TO FL TOMORROW!
   i will see you guys soon.  i'm so sentimental, how long will it take nic to quit crying once i get back to the people that i love?  who wants to take bets? 
   and mom and dad are so randomly at aunt mawmaw's... oh the blissfulness of life's surprises. 
   i cannot wait.  i cannot wait.  i cannot wait.
   i just don't want my week to end.

& so it is...

maya's been sick the last couplea days. this is especially crappy as i've been off and the weather has been gloomerific. i'm waiting to get to fl but haven't been able to get in touch with aunt laura (thank god steph is always there with open arms). i have mixed feelings about going back. anxiety is one of these major feelings. i don't know what's wrong with me these days. listening to custom concern repeatedly. it's been hitting home hard. i gotta get outta this funk.

St Patty's Day was Yesterday

... & i hate myself as a drunk person.  i want to apologize to the world for being a person who sucks when they're intoxicated.  it's 24-plus hours later and i still feel like ass.  i didn't have so much, but i guess the intake ratio + the fact i hadn't done it in a while + green food coloring = sick barfy coley who acted a fool and then even got to work on time the next day, just to have to leave from being that sick.  not happening again.  way to be unprofessional, un-grownup, etc.  i know i may be hardest on myself, but i have to be.  i'm responsible for myself and my own actions. 
   
life-
   it's hard being a mom with a more than full time job.  i wish i could work part time and be with my kids.  i wish life were easy not hard.  i wish money were simple to come by.  i wish i could see more of the world.  i wish i could be the best mom ever who never made mistakes.  i wish i could love myself more.  til then i'm still around.  much love.

Lonely For the Past

You ever get sick where every time you inhale, you can smell gross infected snot? That's me today. Yum. Yesterday I went home at lunchtime and thought I'd lay down long enough to get my second wind... I was wrong. When it was time to get up, I called work and asked if I could stay home. Luckily, we're super slow lately (hence my ability to blog at work using my cell phone... on a break, of course.. never company time!).

   So, i miss my Gran extra bad today; it would be her 88th birthday. I wasn't there for her 87th. I wasn't at her bedside when she died. She went all alone, with no one holding her hand, out of this life the day after Mother's Day last May. Even if she wasnt cognitive, I wish I'd been there instead of snuggled in her very own bed with my daughter (as I'd snuggled with her sooo many times growing up) when the phone rang to announce her departure.

   Spring is coming, and with it all her favorite annuals will need to be planted in her beds. I will see them come into the store, especially the impatiens.. I miss her.