I am reading "Lamb - The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". It is hilarious, touching, clever... I cannot even go into the tangent of how highly I recommend this book. It's a great read. It's by Christopher Moore. If you haven't read it, do so, and spread this Gospel accordingly.

   I know someone who once introduced me to an akin book called "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut; I think he would especially enjoy this read, being the Jew he is. If I knew how to get a copy to Josh, I would, as long as he promises to read it. If he or anyone who knows him happens to read this, let me know, because I think this book would influence him positively, or at least leave a lasting impression.

1. Gullibility, 2. Lowes, 3. Valentines Day

1. Gullibility:

I'm such a goober. Also, I am incredibly sensitive and easy to mess with. Recently, some of my more playful coworkers have gleefully discovered this. This is trouble for me, but it makes the day damn interesting.

I believe it fully began with the recent ice storm. We were selling emergency & snow supplies. People kept calling and calling to inquire about the same items: generators? ...no... kerosene heaters? ...no... It became a joke almost. We were expecting people to ask the same thing over and over. So, I began to get calls from "customers" asking for these. Same questions, different order... usually it would be my coworker, and I would eventually figure it out by him laughing at me for being so patient.

The epitome of this I believe has come. Nothing could top this one. My coworker calls and I think it's a customer. He asks for Plumbing. I say he has the wrong extension, hold on please & I'll get you over to Plumbing. The customer insisted maybe I could help answer their question & went right into it. He said he bought a toilet, got it home, opened it, and found feces in it. I'm thinkin... ok... this is totally not a customer... but how could I really know? So as politely as I could, I said, "Sir, I don't think we'll take back a toilet that has poo in it." (Yes, I said 'poo'.) The next thing I hear is a bunch of guys laughing, and I spurt out to my coworker "Dammit! I hate you!"

But I don't. I think it's hilarious. I got another call the other day: "Do you have straw?" Me: "Yes sir we sure do." Him: "Will you spread it for me?" Me: "AH! Fuck you! You SUCK!"
But I laughed. Hard.

Another time: "Do you have a compost and manure mix?" (Of course I know what's coming now b/c it's winter and no one wants this right now so I play along.) "Yes, we do." "What kind of feces is it in there?" "You are SUCH a loser! It's human, of course!"
Hahahahahaha!

I know this doesn't sound funny at all in type. You'd have to hear it out loud I guess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. Lowes:

I was at the Spring Kickoff Meeting the other day. This was a torturous day. I sat between my Dept Mgr & my Sales Mgr so that we could all wallow in misery as a team. The room smelled stale and gross and there were fruit flies everywhere (and I mean this quite literally). All the Dept Mgrs, Sales Mgrs, OPE Specialists, & LNSs from the district were there. It was *packed*.

So we settle in for a day of Spring Brainwashing, er, training, and things go well but not super awesome or anything... then this lady from FL comes in to talk to us about EPPs (Extended Protection Plans). This is where it gets horrible in a funny way. Apparently, all of the people in the aforementioned positions were just let go at the store in London KY, as well as all the Zone Mgrs, and some other people too.. for illegally charging EPPs onto peoples' credit cards after they'd turned them down and left the store. So there are all these people at this meeting who didn't have anything to do with this but are representing the London store.

Anyway, this lady is corporate and she's come a long way to pump us up about EPPs. She pulls out this huge tablet with 26% on it and says enthusiastically, "THIS! This is going to be the store to beat! Where's the London crew?" At this point, an embarrassing silence falls over the entire room. And the people representing London raise their hands. "WHAT are you guys DOING over there?" the lady exclaims with such exuberance that my face turns red. I slapped my hand over my mouth because I was ready to bust out in laughter, I think a lot of us were, and our district manager is standing in the back looking uncomfortable with his arms crossed. It woulda been enough but this woman goes on to talk about the prizes they won for selling the most EPPs in the district. "How are you all enjoying that plasma screen tv? Who won that Playstation 3? Are they having a good time with it?" Oh. My. God. You would think someone would have prepped this woman. But no.

She was also a candy flinger. Danny over-dramatized it by being like, "look out, she's going to throw it! Point blank at your face! You better duck! Watch it!" in a quiet whisper while I kept myself from laughing with great effort. That lady was the highlight of the day.

Then there was lunch (infested but we were starving and there was no way out of this Best Western). Then came more presentations. Then came a tornado where a foamy tile fell out of the ceiling and the lights blacked out momentarily.

It was a great day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok. Valentine's Day! I got Greg a card. And some fudge. Nothing big. Told him not to get me anything big. Maybe my contacts. It's a Sony DSC-H50 camera. 9.1 MP, 15x Optical Zoom... stuff I don't even understand, but it's pretty phat. I cannot believe I got something so cool. He got me the sweetest card too. Happy Vday!