My grandmother had her kitchen repainted over a decade ago. Something came on the news about MLK Day (she used to argue with the tv) and she yells something about how African Americans shouldn't have National holidays just for them (only in much less politically correct form).
I was embarrassed for the woman immediately, and I felt ashamed, because out of the two painters that were in her home working that day, one was black. Mom snapped at her, I gasped. I remember feeling so bad. And this man was so polite, he didn’t react with animosity or rage or anything.. and Grandmother realized at that point she was in mixed race company, but she didn’t apologize or try to explain herself, she just got all pouty and continued to say she just didn’t get it.
My granny was born in 1921 or 1922, and she remained ignorant of the fact that racial equality was supposed to be a big part of our society. She really didn’t seem to get it. The “N-bomb” was something she would say when talking of any black person, and I was raised to believe firmly in the fact that all people are people, and we have to look beyond things like skin color. However, it was something she was never capable of comprehending. She loved watching Oprah (she would call her “Opal”), but would always refer to her as “the N word”. Other television shows, like Sanford & Son, The Jeffersons, and 227, all about African American lives, were also among her favorites, but she never hesitated with the racial slur that has always made me feel so bad inside.
Anyway, it was Friday afternoon. I was late getting to the Revenue Office to get my temporary tags renewed, but I have to drive Maya to Kentucky for her spring break and I couldn’t go without expired tags. So the people in the office were nice enough to make an exception for me, because I was desperate and crying and such. They took pity on my plight, and let me in. I had to get my registration and license from the car, and when I went out, this little old lady pulls up into the handicap spot in this big white car with one of those miniature yappy little dogs, gets out, and slides in with me when I go back into the office, even though I inform her they’re closed.
This was an egregious error in judgment on my behalf, as I learned almost immediately. They asked her to leave (very politely), and said they couldn't make any more exceptions. She was argumentative, but she did go... just far enough to realize how pissed off she was about the whole thing.
Then she came back for Round Two. She banged on the door, asking for the manager. She started yelling at the Tax Collector and asked to speak to the manager above him. When he told her that he was the only manager, and that he ran the facility, she said, "I meant I want to talk to someone white!"
The manager turned around and laughed slightly, in disbelief. Aghast, I exclaimed, "Oh, no she did NOT just drop a race bomb!" then turned back to the woman with a serious face on and very professionally informed her that it was seriously nothing personal, and that he couldn't compel his employees to work over-time, as they are a gov't facility. I was sitting in this room, feeling pretty ashamed on behalf of this woman, and quite awkward, considering I was one unkempt looking white girl in an office with three very nicely put together, clean, nicely dressed black people (one was a male customer, sitting at the table across from me; one was a female, working behind the counter; and the only other person was the aforementioned manager).
Finally, the beastie of an old woman went away, and my shock turned to dismay, embarrassment, shame, and all sorts of sad things. I said something to the man across from me about how I couldn't understand why people even still have such an ignorance about races, and how really we are one race- the HUMAN race -and that regardless of any joking and stereotyping people do, everyone should be able to understand something that simple. I think I was more upset than anyone in the place. They were all super nice about it. The man I'd commented to told me that all you can do is pray for people, his temp tags were issued, and he left.
I mulled that over while the woman prepared my tags. She and her boss had done a great favor for me, and I felt that the old biddy's unladylike behavior was a horrid example of white people. I felt like crap. I left that day feeling a little disappointed in humanity. Now, I don't pray.. but I feel like I need to continue to emphasize that we are all one family to my daughter. All you can do is teach your children to grow up and be better than the generations before. When I see people laugh, cry, hug, interact... I don't think of what color they are or if they're going home to a certain type of existence. I appreciate cultural differences, but I understand that people are people, with feelings and emotions and no one person is superior to another because of race.
I would like to think that woman went home and thought about the shit curve ball she threw into that conversation, but I doubt it. All I really know is that I have thought about it a lot, and I refuse to ever let that kind of behavior emanate from me.
So yeah. What a fucked up day that turned out to be.
Don't be racist.
