in other aspects the trip changed how i feel about some people. i
confided all my faults and the fact that greg was right to who i thought
was a best friend. this is someone i've grown apart from, but i never
understood why b/c i was gone when i moved to fl for much longer than
i've been in ky. this friend has changed as much as me and even though
claiming it was me that left, i think we've both grown into people the
other no longer recognizes. i have some incredibly harsh feelings
towards this person at this time, and i haven't spoken to her in weeks.
how sad that a friendship could snuff out so suddenly, but her actions
have become ridiculous to me, drama-ridden nonsense... and although she
was quick to point out how many mistakes i've made and was correct with
the facts, i know i am trying to rise above the bullshit to make a good
life for myself. i know that my past actions were mistakes. i am
aware that life doesn't revolve around me, and it shouldn't have since
the moment maya was born. i understand sacrificing for my children like
i never did. i think she feels like she does the same thing, but her
actions seem to signify something entirely different and she doesn't
even see it. this is someone i used to see as so strong, i used to
admire her parenting and think she was doing a great job. now i just
see a jerry springer episode combined with some cops clips. it's
pathetic. it's as pathetic as me. and i'm trying to be a better person
than that and i am taking steps away from it... takin the white trash
to the curb, even the old parts of me that could've identified with the
drama. i'm sure this person feels she's doing what is best and i wish
her well, i just want nothing to do with it. we've taken different
roads. another person i feel i'm growing away from just has a long way
to go. i love both these friends so much but i see such negative
behavior and i feel somewhat responsible b/c whether i knew it or not, i
was an influence in their lives, and thus in their actions. i see one
of them doing now so many unsavory things i did before, when i was
younger, and can't forgive myself for now. i cannot chide or judge or
even comment because i don't want to seem judgmental; what a good
beautiful person. just such childlike actions, selfish without
realizing. and there are so many other people that i'd left in memphis,
when i returned and hung out and woke up the next day i thought that
some of these people were not cool or even caring.
before any of you assume anything about who i wrote about, curb yourself. it's more than likely not you.
