... & i hate myself as a drunk person. i want to apologize to the world for being a person who sucks when they're intoxicated. it's 24-plus hours later and i still feel like ass. i didn't have so much, but i guess the intake ratio + the fact i hadn't done it in a while + green food coloring = sick barfy coley who acted a fool and then even got to work on time the next day, just to have to leave from being that sick. not happening again. way to be unprofessional, un-grownup, etc. i know i may be hardest on myself, but i have to be. i'm responsible for myself and my own actions.
life-
it's hard being a mom with a more than full time job. i wish i could work part time and be with my kids. i wish life were easy not hard. i wish money were simple to come by. i wish i could see more of the world. i wish i could be the best mom ever who never made mistakes. i wish i could love myself more. til then i'm still around. much love.
18 March 2009
03 March 2009
Lonely For the Past
You ever get sick where every time you inhale, you can smell gross infected snot? That's me today. Yum. Yesterday I went home at lunchtime and thought I'd lay down long enough to get my second wind... I was wrong. When it was time to get up, I called work and asked if I could stay home. Luckily, we're super slow lately (hence my ability to blog at work using my cell phone... on a break, of course.. never company time!).
So, i miss my Gran extra bad today; it would be her 88th birthday. I wasn't there for her 87th. I wasn't at her bedside when she died. She went all alone, with no one holding her hand, out of this life the day after Mother's Day last May. Even if she wasnt cognitive, I wish I'd been there instead of snuggled in her very own bed with my daughter (as I'd snuggled with her sooo many times growing up) when the phone rang to announce her departure.
Spring is coming, and with it all her favorite annuals will need to be planted in her beds. I will see them come into the store, especially the impatiens.. I miss her.
So, i miss my Gran extra bad today; it would be her 88th birthday. I wasn't there for her 87th. I wasn't at her bedside when she died. She went all alone, with no one holding her hand, out of this life the day after Mother's Day last May. Even if she wasnt cognitive, I wish I'd been there instead of snuggled in her very own bed with my daughter (as I'd snuggled with her sooo many times growing up) when the phone rang to announce her departure.
Spring is coming, and with it all her favorite annuals will need to be planted in her beds. I will see them come into the store, especially the impatiens.. I miss her.
20 February 2009
I am reading "Lamb - The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". It is hilarious, touching, clever... I cannot even go into the
tangent of how highly I recommend this book. It's a great read. It's
by Christopher Moore. If you haven't read it, do so, and spread this
Gospel accordingly.
I know someone who once introduced me to an akin book called "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut; I think he would especially enjoy this read, being the Jew he is. If I knew how to get a copy to Josh, I would, as long as he promises to read it. If he or anyone who knows him happens to read this, let me know, because I think this book would influence him positively, or at least leave a lasting impression.
I know someone who once introduced me to an akin book called "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut; I think he would especially enjoy this read, being the Jew he is. If I knew how to get a copy to Josh, I would, as long as he promises to read it. If he or anyone who knows him happens to read this, let me know, because I think this book would influence him positively, or at least leave a lasting impression.
14 February 2009
1. Gullibility, 2. Lowes, 3. Valentines Day
1. Gullibility:
I'm such a goober. Also, I am incredibly sensitive and easy to mess with. Recently, some of my more playful coworkers have gleefully discovered this. This is trouble for me, but it makes the day damn interesting.
I believe it fully began with the recent ice storm. We were selling emergency & snow supplies. People kept calling and calling to inquire about the same items: generators? ...no... kerosene heaters? ...no... It became a joke almost. We were expecting people to ask the same thing over and over. So, I began to get calls from "customers" asking for these. Same questions, different order... usually it would be my coworker, and I would eventually figure it out by him laughing at me for being so patient.
The epitome of this I believe has come. Nothing could top this one. My coworker calls and I think it's a customer. He asks for Plumbing. I say he has the wrong extension, hold on please & I'll get you over to Plumbing. The customer insisted maybe I could help answer their question & went right into it. He said he bought a toilet, got it home, opened it, and found feces in it. I'm thinkin... ok... this is totally not a customer... but how could I really know? So as politely as I could, I said, "Sir, I don't think we'll take back a toilet that has poo in it." (Yes, I said 'poo'.) The next thing I hear is a bunch of guys laughing, and I spurt out to my coworker "Dammit! I hate you!"
But I don't. I think it's hilarious. I got another call the other day: "Do you have straw?" Me: "Yes sir we sure do." Him: "Will you spread it for me?" Me: "AH! Fuck you! You SUCK!"
But I laughed. Hard.
Another time: "Do you have a compost and manure mix?" (Of course I know what's coming now b/c it's winter and no one wants this right now so I play along.) "Yes, we do." "What kind of feces is it in there?" "You are SUCH a loser! It's human, of course!"
Hahahahahaha!
I know this doesn't sound funny at all in type. You'd have to hear it out loud I guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Lowes:
I was at the Spring Kickoff Meeting the other day. This was a torturous day. I sat between my Dept Mgr & my Sales Mgr so that we could all wallow in misery as a team. The room smelled stale and gross and there were fruit flies everywhere (and I mean this quite literally). All the Dept Mgrs, Sales Mgrs, OPE Specialists, & LNSs from the district were there. It was *packed*.
So we settle in for a day of Spring Brainwashing, er, training, and things go well but not super awesome or anything... then this lady from FL comes in to talk to us about EPPs (Extended Protection Plans). This is where it gets horrible in a funny way. Apparently, all of the people in the aforementioned positions were just let go at the store in London KY, as well as all the Zone Mgrs, and some other people too.. for illegally charging EPPs onto peoples' credit cards after they'd turned them down and left the store. So there are all these people at this meeting who didn't have anything to do with this but are representing the London store.
Anyway, this lady is corporate and she's come a long way to pump us up about EPPs. She pulls out this huge tablet with 26% on it and says enthusiastically, "THIS! This is going to be the store to beat! Where's the London crew?" At this point, an embarrassing silence falls over the entire room. And the people representing London raise their hands. "WHAT are you guys DOING over there?" the lady exclaims with such exuberance that my face turns red. I slapped my hand over my mouth because I was ready to bust out in laughter, I think a lot of us were, and our district manager is standing in the back looking uncomfortable with his arms crossed. It woulda been enough but this woman goes on to talk about the prizes they won for selling the most EPPs in the district. "How are you all enjoying that plasma screen tv? Who won that Playstation 3? Are they having a good time with it?" Oh. My. God. You would think someone would have prepped this woman. But no.
She was also a candy flinger. Danny over-dramatized it by being like, "look out, she's going to throw it! Point blank at your face! You better duck! Watch it!" in a quiet whisper while I kept myself from laughing with great effort. That lady was the highlight of the day.
Then there was lunch (infested but we were starving and there was no way out of this Best Western). Then came more presentations. Then came a tornado where a foamy tile fell out of the ceiling and the lights blacked out momentarily.
It was a great day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ok. Valentine's Day! I got Greg a card. And some fudge. Nothing big. Told him not to get me anything big. Maybe my contacts. It's a Sony DSC-H50 camera. 9.1 MP, 15x Optical Zoom... stuff I don't even understand, but it's pretty phat. I cannot believe I got something so cool. He got me the sweetest card too. Happy Vday!
I'm such a goober. Also, I am incredibly sensitive and easy to mess with. Recently, some of my more playful coworkers have gleefully discovered this. This is trouble for me, but it makes the day damn interesting.
I believe it fully began with the recent ice storm. We were selling emergency & snow supplies. People kept calling and calling to inquire about the same items: generators? ...no... kerosene heaters? ...no... It became a joke almost. We were expecting people to ask the same thing over and over. So, I began to get calls from "customers" asking for these. Same questions, different order... usually it would be my coworker, and I would eventually figure it out by him laughing at me for being so patient.
The epitome of this I believe has come. Nothing could top this one. My coworker calls and I think it's a customer. He asks for Plumbing. I say he has the wrong extension, hold on please & I'll get you over to Plumbing. The customer insisted maybe I could help answer their question & went right into it. He said he bought a toilet, got it home, opened it, and found feces in it. I'm thinkin... ok... this is totally not a customer... but how could I really know? So as politely as I could, I said, "Sir, I don't think we'll take back a toilet that has poo in it." (Yes, I said 'poo'.) The next thing I hear is a bunch of guys laughing, and I spurt out to my coworker "Dammit! I hate you!"
But I don't. I think it's hilarious. I got another call the other day: "Do you have straw?" Me: "Yes sir we sure do." Him: "Will you spread it for me?" Me: "AH! Fuck you! You SUCK!"
But I laughed. Hard.
Another time: "Do you have a compost and manure mix?" (Of course I know what's coming now b/c it's winter and no one wants this right now so I play along.) "Yes, we do." "What kind of feces is it in there?" "You are SUCH a loser! It's human, of course!"
Hahahahahaha!
I know this doesn't sound funny at all in type. You'd have to hear it out loud I guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Lowes:
I was at the Spring Kickoff Meeting the other day. This was a torturous day. I sat between my Dept Mgr & my Sales Mgr so that we could all wallow in misery as a team. The room smelled stale and gross and there were fruit flies everywhere (and I mean this quite literally). All the Dept Mgrs, Sales Mgrs, OPE Specialists, & LNSs from the district were there. It was *packed*.
So we settle in for a day of Spring Brainwashing, er, training, and things go well but not super awesome or anything... then this lady from FL comes in to talk to us about EPPs (Extended Protection Plans). This is where it gets horrible in a funny way. Apparently, all of the people in the aforementioned positions were just let go at the store in London KY, as well as all the Zone Mgrs, and some other people too.. for illegally charging EPPs onto peoples' credit cards after they'd turned them down and left the store. So there are all these people at this meeting who didn't have anything to do with this but are representing the London store.
Anyway, this lady is corporate and she's come a long way to pump us up about EPPs. She pulls out this huge tablet with 26% on it and says enthusiastically, "THIS! This is going to be the store to beat! Where's the London crew?" At this point, an embarrassing silence falls over the entire room. And the people representing London raise their hands. "WHAT are you guys DOING over there?" the lady exclaims with such exuberance that my face turns red. I slapped my hand over my mouth because I was ready to bust out in laughter, I think a lot of us were, and our district manager is standing in the back looking uncomfortable with his arms crossed. It woulda been enough but this woman goes on to talk about the prizes they won for selling the most EPPs in the district. "How are you all enjoying that plasma screen tv? Who won that Playstation 3? Are they having a good time with it?" Oh. My. God. You would think someone would have prepped this woman. But no.
She was also a candy flinger. Danny over-dramatized it by being like, "look out, she's going to throw it! Point blank at your face! You better duck! Watch it!" in a quiet whisper while I kept myself from laughing with great effort. That lady was the highlight of the day.
Then there was lunch (infested but we were starving and there was no way out of this Best Western). Then came more presentations. Then came a tornado where a foamy tile fell out of the ceiling and the lights blacked out momentarily.
It was a great day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ok. Valentine's Day! I got Greg a card. And some fudge. Nothing big. Told him not to get me anything big. Maybe my contacts. It's a Sony DSC-H50 camera. 9.1 MP, 15x Optical Zoom... stuff I don't even understand, but it's pretty phat. I cannot believe I got something so cool. He got me the sweetest card too. Happy Vday!
18 January 2009
Throwing Up My Hands
One Long Angry Ramble:
Last night a friend of mine was out and ran into my daughter's sperm donor. It makes me sick to think about this. She showed him her latest pic of Maya and said 'That's what you're missing' & all he did was reply he knew and keep on walkin to buy drinks for a girl and play pool. Hope it was worth his while; I was at home taking care of a beautiful person he took half the part in making but wants nothing to do with. And yet he acts like she's this enigma that he wants in his life more than anything, and I am the evil force keeping him from her. I have asked him if he wants to be a part of his daughter's life. I have asked. I told him it would be up to him to get a lawyer and get his paternity legally reinstated. I gave him the name, address, phone number & email address of the attorney who set it all up for us years ago & told him he could get a copy of his rights waiver. Then I told him once I saw he was serious about being Maya's father and being responsible, we would work out child support and visitation. This is being very civil; he and I did not end on good terms. We both acted a fool repeatedly, mostly me, to be frank (I did things I am ashamed of now that I have matured and things that I would never repeat in any relationship)... but in the end Maya was diagnosed with diabetes and he bailed out of town with my cousin to go live with a skank ho stripper. He came back to Memphis, but not after I'd gone out of town to put the thought of him away and came back with Haden in my belly. He says he will agree to joint custody and nothing less. But he has issues worse than mine. He has done things which were unspeakable. Things that are more than shameful, with people who should have been able to trust him as a brother figure. I cannot give him joint custody until I know he's changed as I have changed and become a better person. The last I saw him was in May when my grandmother died. I feel closure from that visit, knowing that when I left Memphis the symbolism of our love and our relationship was finally as dead as my beautiful Gran. Still this doesn't mean Maya doesn't deserve a dad. She does. She's amazing and wonderful and enchanting. And knowing he lives his life every day, not seeing her, not caring... well, frankly it makes me want to strangle him. Or literally attack him. I have never held such acrimony towards anyone. If he died, I couldn't help but wonder if she'd be better off... if the world would. Better he not exist than she think someday she would have him as a loving father, b/c that won't ever happen, no matter how much I want it for her. So many times over I've made horrid decisions. Now I have so many regrets. Ugh. This makes me tired. Now, as annoying as it is, I sit in my living room listening to Maya play a silly game on the Wii, and that sweet singsong voice, and she is mine & I love her. But... she deserves a father! I'm just so sorry it had to be him.
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