1. Gullibility:
I'm such a goober. Also, I am incredibly
sensitive and easy to mess with. Recently, some of my more playful
coworkers have gleefully discovered this. This is trouble for me, but
it makes the day damn interesting.
I believe it fully began with
the recent ice storm. We were selling emergency & snow supplies.
People kept calling and calling to inquire about the same items:
generators? ...no... kerosene heaters? ...no... It became a joke
almost. We were expecting people to ask the same thing over and over.
So, I began to get calls from "customers" asking for these. Same
questions, different order... usually it would be my coworker, and I
would eventually figure it out by him laughing at me for being so
patient.
The epitome of this I believe has come. Nothing could
top this one. My coworker calls and I think it's a customer. He asks
for Plumbing. I say he has the wrong extension, hold on please &
I'll get you over to Plumbing. The customer insisted maybe I could help
answer their question & went right into it. He said he bought a
toilet, got it home, opened it, and found feces in it. I'm thinkin...
ok... this is totally not a customer... but how could I really know? So
as politely as I could, I said, "Sir, I don't think we'll take back a
toilet that has poo in it." (Yes, I said 'poo'.) The next thing I hear
is a bunch of guys laughing, and I spurt out to my coworker "Dammit! I
hate you!"
But I don't. I think it's hilarious. I got another
call the other day: "Do you have straw?" Me: "Yes sir we sure do."
Him: "Will you spread it for me?" Me: "AH! Fuck you! You SUCK!"
But I laughed. Hard.
Another
time: "Do you have a compost and manure mix?" (Of course I know
what's coming now b/c it's winter and no one wants this right now so I
play along.) "Yes, we do." "What kind of feces is it in there?" "You
are SUCH a loser! It's human, of course!"
Hahahahahaha!
I know this doesn't sound funny at all in type. You'd have to hear it out loud I guess.
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2. Lowes:
I was at the Spring Kickoff Meeting the other day. This was a
torturous day. I sat between my Dept Mgr & my Sales Mgr so that we
could all wallow in misery as a team. The room smelled stale and gross
and there were fruit flies everywhere (and I mean this quite literally).
All the Dept Mgrs, Sales Mgrs, OPE Specialists, & LNSs from the
district were there. It was *packed*.
So we settle in for a day
of Spring Brainwashing, er, training, and things go well but not super
awesome or anything... then this lady from FL comes in to talk to us
about EPPs (Extended Protection Plans). This is where it gets horrible
in a funny way. Apparently, all of the people in the aforementioned
positions were just let go at the store in London KY, as well as all the
Zone Mgrs, and some other people too.. for illegally charging EPPs
onto peoples' credit cards after they'd turned them down and left the
store. So there are all these people at this meeting who didn't have
anything to do with this but are representing the London store.
Anyway,
this lady is corporate and she's come a long way to pump us up about
EPPs. She pulls out this huge tablet with 26% on it and says
enthusiastically, "THIS! This is going to be the store to beat!
Where's the London crew?" At this point, an embarrassing silence falls
over the entire room. And the people representing London raise their
hands. "WHAT are you guys DOING over there?" the lady exclaims with
such exuberance that my face turns red. I slapped my hand over
my mouth because I was ready to bust out in laughter, I think a lot of
us were, and our district manager is standing in the back looking
uncomfortable with his arms crossed. It woulda been enough but this
woman goes on to talk about the prizes they won for selling the most
EPPs in the district. "How are you all enjoying that plasma screen tv?
Who won that Playstation 3? Are they having a good time with it?" Oh.
My. God. You would think someone would have prepped this woman. But
no.
She was also a candy flinger. Danny over-dramatized it by
being like, "look out, she's going to throw it! Point blank at your
face! You better duck! Watch it!" in a quiet whisper while I kept
myself from laughing with great effort. That lady was the highlight of
the day.
Then there was lunch (infested but we were starving and
there was no way out of this Best Western). Then came more
presentations. Then came a tornado where a foamy tile fell out of the
ceiling and the lights blacked out momentarily.
It was a great day.
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Ok.
Valentine's Day! I got Greg a card. And some fudge. Nothing big.
Told him not to get me anything big. Maybe my contacts. It's a Sony
DSC-H50 camera. 9.1 MP, 15x Optical Zoom... stuff I don't even
understand, but it's pretty phat. I cannot believe I got something so
cool. He got me the sweetest card too. Happy Vday!
