so. i applied for the live nursery specialist job at lowe's, the new
one i'm at. i didn't get it, but i thought it'd be b/c of calling in at
my last lowe's when maya first got to ky. this is not the case,
however. i didn't get it b/c they made budget cuts due to our inventory
showing mass shrink. therefore, they eliminated some department
managers and moved them around. problem is, they decided to use a dept
mgr for the live nursery job. this is fucked up b/c a) dude's the
hardware manager and doesn't know a petunia from a pansy or an annual
from a perennial, and b) this guy has been written up for being a
suckass employee!
to add to my bummed-ness... the hr manager
jay told me that he could tell i have a real passion for the work. he
said he knew i belonged outside. he said that i was the best interview
they'd had, and that i woulda been the one to get the position. now, i
know this was supposed to make me feel better, and i thanked him,
imploring him to send me back outside asap (two more employees just quit
out there)... but then i left his office, went straight into the
bathroom, turned my smile off when i got into a stall safely, and cried
my self-pitying pansy ass off.
working as the lns at lowe's is a
very challenging job. i'm sure everything happens for a reason, blah
blah blah, so please don't try to tell me all that "everything's ok"
bullshit b/c it's really not. i mean... it IS... b/c i don't have any
terminable illnesses and i have a roof over my head and tralala... and
in this economy i should be pleased as punch to have a job.
but, i
fucking love those plants. i love working with them. i belong there.
now who knows how long i'm going to be a cashier. i'm a 26 year old
with 2 kids, a $9.02/hr job that i currently dislike... & i'm
trying to do this day by day but today... bad day. i know i shoulda,
coulda, woulda done a lot differently. but i gotta do what i gotta do
now.
there's no one in the world i am happier to do all of this
for than my man and babies, but it's hard. i don't have time for school
right now, which is going to be the only way i can make our lives
better. other than that i'm going to be working shitty, low paying jobs
forever. this is unacceptable. i bust my ass all the time and i feel
like i'm going around in fuckin circles. every day is a routine to the
next day and the next, and i am not making more money or doing better.
